A Not so Bad Day
by SynfulRegrets
Summary: Ritsuka is having a really bad day that only gets worse as the day progresses. What’s worse is that he’s forced to face his fear of what he has been running away from, which is Soubi and his lies. Not every bad day stays bad and maybe sometimes fears of


**Disclaimer: **If I owned Loveless, I wouldn't be writing fanfics.

**Summary: **Ritsuka is having a really bad day that only gets worse as the day progresses. What's worse is that he's forced to face his fear of what he has been running away from, which is Soubi and his lies. Not every bad day stays bad and maybe sometimes fears of your past and lies that aren't really lies are the only way to make the day better.

Oh, by the way, Ritsuka is now 17.

'_Thoughts'_

"Speaking"

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**A Not so Bad Day  
**By synfulregrets

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Ritsuka had been sitting in class all day waiting to go home for once. He didn't get much sleep last night after his mom attacked him again when he walked into the kitchen screaming that he wasn't her Ritsuka. He blocked her as much as he could while trying to cause the least amount of harm to her. That of course only hurt him more than her and left him with new cuts and bruises that added to his already vibrant collection.

Like always, he went to his room and bandaged himself up since Soubi didn't come to see him as much as he did before. It was normal now to lick his wounds by himself. His arms were white with all the bandages and his ribs were looking dark with black and blue splotches that were making him look like an artist's canvas board instead of a teenager's stomach. His back had the cuts that displayed the worst of the attacks but he used his mirror to disinfect and wrap them up. He just hoped no one touched his arms, back or ribs today. He was in enough agony without any added pressure to make the pain all the more obvious.

When he had come to school this morning, he was dead tired and barely able to think straight, much less go through a day of school work and pesky teachers. He found that keeping up with Yuiko and Yayoi was really a lot of work at the present moment. He also didn't study for the algebra 2 quiz that he had today for the last period. All in all, his day had started out bad, went to shitty and then plummeted all the way down to unbearable.

He looked at the quiz in front of him and glared darkly at it hoping it would catch fire so he wouldn't have to take the cursed thing. He sighed and finally gave in to at least attempting to answer some of it. The idea of the teacher getting on his case was not on his list of things to do for the day.

After fifteen minutes, he realized that he finished and that the teacher was telling everyone to pass them up to the front of their rows. He did as what was commanded by the teacher and passed it up before putting his head on the desk.

He was getting a headache and the cool surface of the desk made it a little better. The throbbing of it made it a little unbearable for him, but he only had ten minutes left until the damn bell rang and after that he could lie down on his soft bed and possibly sleep the rest of the day away.

The throbbing was lessening and sleep was slowly taking over his mind, but he was abruptly awakened by a pencil shoving into his ribs. He jumped up and bit his lip hard from crying out loud in pain. One thing he didn't want right now were questions as to why he was in pain and what happened to him to make him so bruised and beaten. Then the questions of did your parents or someone you know do this to you and he would be left to lie again only to go home and deal with the beatings again. He didn't want that because right now his mind could only take so much and his body was barely hanging in there.

He snapped his head to his right to see Yuiko laughing at him. He regretted moving so fast because the damn headache of his came back and it was worse than before.

Yuiko stopped laughing when she saw Ritsuka scrunch his face in pain and place his head back down on his desk. She was hoping to talk to him but seeing as how he wasn't up to it as she would've liked, she decided to leave him alone until after school.

Five minutes went by slowly and Ritsuka believed it to be the longest five minutes in his short and eventful life. Of course the headache wasn't helping any and the level of noise the class was making helped increase the pain in his head from a slow throb to a faster and more resounding throb that made Ritsuka believe his head was seconds away from exploding. His attempts of trying to calm himself down and think happy thoughts died quickly.

Instead, he lifted his head and looked out the window to his left. He saw the entrance and a puff of smoke from behind the gate. He inwardly groaned knowing it to be Soubi waiting for him.

'_Great, just freaking peachy! If this headache wasn't enough, I have to deal with Soubi and the smell of smoke. This has not been a good day, and by the looks of it, it can only get worse.'_

He looked away and once again placed his now burning forehead on his desk.

As soon as he closed his eyes again, he finally let sleep claim him completely not caring about anything else other than wanting to rest. He didn't care that his body was in pain because of the awkward position he was sitting or that his arms were starting to burn with the pressure of his head resting on them. None of that registered as he ignored the pain that was coming from his ribs and the feeling of the cuts on his back opening. In the back of his mind he knew that they were opening and were starting to bleed ever so slowly.

He never heard the bell ring indicating to all the students that they could go home. Nor did he feel Yuiko and Yayoi shaking him to wake him up. It didn't even rouse him out of his comatose state when Soubi picked him up from his seat and carried him out of the room on his back with Yuiko and Yayoi following behind them, very worried.

As Soubi carried Ritsuka to his house, he felt the boy shaking and saw his face getting paler. Soubi couldn't take him to Ritsuka's house because of his mother and Ritsuka himself couldn't take care of himself if he were unconscious the whole time. Ritsuka would wake up angry once he realized he was in Soubi's house, but for now, Soubi didn't care what the seventeen year old boy on his back thought.

He saw his apartment building and carefully walked up the stairs. Once inside, he walked over to his bed and gently placed Ritsuka on it. The boy was still shaking and Soubi went to get more blankets in hopes of warming up the boy.

When he came back and placed the blankets on the shaking body, he let his hand grip his lower left arm and saw as the boy hissed in pain. He watched as Ritsuka attempted to draw it away for the painful grasp. Soubi let it go and gently picked it up again to push up the long sleeve only to see nothing but white. His eyebrows scrunched in worry, knowing that if something on Ritsuka was bandaged, his mother had to be the source of it. Ritsuka never let anyone else close enough to cause that kind of harm to himself.

He rolled the sleeve back down and pulled the blankets back. Ritsuka's shirt rode up a little and Soubi clearly saw bruises on his stomach and sides. He lifted Ritsuka into a sitting position so he could take off the shirt easier and once he did, he instantly wished he hadn't.

There were bruises all over Ritsuka's chest and stomach. They were poorly bandaged and wrapped and it was one of those moments where he wished he was blind or that he was suffering from hallucinations. Soubi looked at Ritsuka's face and felt regret for not being there for him, for not protecting him or to mend his wounds when he was hurt.

He laid Ritsuka back down on his bed and got up to get his first aid kit. When he came back, he opened it up before flipping Ritsuka on his stomach. He heard a whimper and moved his hands away from the fragile, beaten body lying before him. The cuts were now bleeding and the poorly distributed bandages were doing nothing to stop it.

Carefully, Soubi started to pull them off and stopped every time Ritsuka's face showed an ounce of pain. After a few minutes, all the old bandages were off and Soubi started applying his own disinfectant to clean off the wounds before he applied better bandages to the small back of Ritsuka's.

As he finished, he flipped Ritsuka over and pulled him up once again to a sitting position. A few more whimpers were heard and pain clearly flashed across Ritsuka's face until Soubi leaned the body against his. He started wrapping Ritsuka in some more bandages from his stomach up. Soubi was about to take the bandages off his arms, but decided against it since they looked to be in good shape still.

He set Ritsuka back down, noticing that by keeping him up, it put pressure on his ribs and he had a hard time breathing. He really felt bad for Ritsuka, but since the boy seemed like he never wanted to see him, he kept his distance. Ritsuka always made things difficult but he couldn't say that it wasn't expected.

He also knew that all the times he told Ritsuka that he loved him, he hurt him. Ritsuka tried hard to ignore Soubi every time he spoke those three little words, but he always saw something in the young boy's eyes brighten before they became empty. Unfortunately, when Soubi spoke those words, he meant them, but Ritsuka would walk away or ignore him. Even when he tried to kiss the boy, he moved his face away. Every time he was rejected it felt like he was being punished, being condemned for not being good enough.

The Ritsuka he met at the beginning was so different from the Ritsuka lying on his bed all beaten and bruised. Soubi really wished he could go back in time to change things but knew it was impossible and instead tried to reason with the small boy in front of him. It wasn't working as great as he thought it would but Soubi wasn't going to give up. Not until Ritsuka believed him or didn't ignore him like he did. He only had to break down the boy's barriers and work his way inside just like he wanted to without getting pushed back again.

Soubi heard a groan from the bed and looked down to see Ritsuka slowly opening his eyes. He waited for a few seconds knowing that yelling from the boy would come and then silence as he ignored Soubi. He would just wait and take it all, just like all the times before.

This time was different though. Ritsuka looked at Soubi and just stared. He didn't yell at him or anything, just stared at him with his dull eyes.

Soubi looked back at him, not liking the eyes he was staring into and wondering when Ritsuka became so broken. He wanted to know who it was who did this to him to make him loose his innocent looking eyes that held such fire within them. He wanted to know when it happened and who did it so he could kill them for hurting his Ritsuka.

Ritsuka woke to see not his room, but Soubi's. It didn't really surprise him though because he saw the man standing outside the school gates waiting for him. He felt the new bandages and instantly knew that Soubi found out and there were questions coming. He looked to see the older man sitting beside him on the bed and stared. This time Ritsuka didn't yell because he was in too much pain and he felt that if he did, tears would come. Tears that he knew if shed would keep coming and he wouldn't be able to stop from falling no matter what he told himself of did.

The thick silence filled the apartment and neither moved, just kept staring, until Soubi broke it.

"Why?"

Ritsuka was expecting more than just one word from Soubi, but when he asked why, Ritsuka didn't know what he was talking about. Instead he kept silent with confusion in his eyes as he kept looking at Ritsuka. No, he took that back. He did know why, but that was something he didn't want to realize as true.

Soubi didn't get a response, so he carefully and slowly reached out his hand towards Ritsuka's face. He noticed no movement from Ritsuka and took that as on okay from the young boy to touch him.

Ritsuka noticed the hand wanting to touch his face and allowed it, hoping that it would distract Soubi from his previously asked question. His sanity would only stay intact if he could keep the topic of conversation away from the things he didn't want to explore with his thoughts.

Soubi never got to touch the side of Ritsuka's face, just outlined it. He wanted to know everything that happened while he was not there and he wanted to know now.

"Ritsuka, you were supposed to call me when things like this happen." His voice was thick with worry, regret and anger. Ritsuka looked away, wanting nothing more than to curl into a ball and sleep forever, but he knew he could never have what he really wanted. It seemed that Ritsuka had no luck in any aspect of his life.

"You never pick up if I do. It's pointless." Ritsuka whispered and Soubi could tell that so much of Ritsuka was broken. He cursed to himself for not being there more often. For not picking up the phone when the boy called, but when Ritsuka did call, it was always when he was teaching. Soubi couldn't take a call during his teaching hours, but now he really wished he did.

"I'm sorry." He responded and got a dark glare from Ritsuka.

"I don't want your fucking pity Soubi." He hissed at the older man.

'_No,'_ Soubi thought, _'this wasn't the Ritsuka he knew.' _

At the moment, Soubi was torn between wanting to hug the boy and leaving him alone. "I am not pitying you Ritsuka, I'm just sorry that I haven't been there for you when you needed someone." Soubi was hoping that the hostile side of Ritsuka would calm down and let him accept his help, but it wasn't looking that way.

Ritsuka looked to the wall to his right. He wanted to hit Soubi so hard for saying that but held back. "It wouldn't matter if you were there." Ritsuka knew that would hurt Soubi and that's what he wanted to do right now. "I don't need your help anymore so you can just let me be."

Soubi was pissed right now. No, he was beyond pissed. He tried so hard to help Ritsuka only to have it be thrown back in his face. He was tired of Ritsuka ignoring him and hurting him by pushing him away.

Ritsuka felt the bed shift and a hand pull his head the other way to look right into Soubi's livid eyes. Ritsuka gulped and stared wide eyed at the man above him. "No, you do need my help. You need to stop pushing me away every time I'm around." His hand gripped harder on Ritsuka's small face. "I love you Ritsuka and I'm tired of you getting hurt and not asking for some fucking help from me."

When Soubi said that he loved him, Ritsuka started moving to get away from the firm grasp and body that was hovering above him. He needed to get away because if he didn't, he didn't think that he could resist Soubi's words anymore. Since thrashing around to get away wasn't working, he went with what he did best, and that was yelling.

"Damnit, don't say you love me you fucking asshole! I'm tired of your lies. Remember Seimei isn't alive anymore so you don't have to follow orders anymore." Ritsuka felt that his words were backfiring in convincing Soubi to let him go because the grip on him only tightened. Another hand gripped his right arm and pulled him up. He yelled out in pain and collided with Soubi's chest.

Soubi pulled him and trapped Ritsuka to his chest to keep him from injuring himself anymore. He noticed that when Ritsuka was moving around, the bandages were loosening and didn't want that to happen. "I don't care what Seimei said. I stopped caring about that after a year with you." That made Ritsuka stop his movements quickly. "I love you god damnit and I want you to trust me. I know you don't, but I want you to try. Let me help you Ritsuka."

Ritsuka heard the pain in Soubi's voice. He couldn't believe that he heard Soubi say he didn't care about Seimei anymore. Actually, he didn't want to believe what Soubi just said, because if he did it would leave him open for more pain. He didn't want any more pain. His mother caused enough pain in his life, as did Seimei's death.

'_No,' _Ritsuka thought, _'I won't believe him. He's lied to me so much that I can't believe him. It's just like before. I can't trust him.'_

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Soubi hugged him tighter. "Please Ritsuka, please." He couldn't believe that Soubi was now asking Ritsuka to believe him. To trust him to not lie anymore. To believe that he loved him and didn't care about Seimei's orders. He didn't know what to think.

"I don't know." was Ritsuka's whispered answer. Soubi, who was expecting Ritsuka to start struggling or for him to yell again was shocked by the boys answer. No, it wasn't shock, it was happiness. Happiness that led to hope to having Ritsuka trust him and confide in him like he used to.

"That's good enough for me, Ritsuka." Soubi's answer wasn't what Ritsuka thought he would say, but that made Ritsuka relax.

Ritsuka nodded while Soubi buried his head into the boy's neck. Ritsuka moved his arms around Soubi and hugged him. Ritsuka felt Soubi tense up, apparently not expecting him to hug him and would've laughed if he wasn't so tired.

Soubi sat up some and kissed Ritsuka's forehead. He wasn't able to run his hand over Ritsuka's back for fear of causing him more pain. "Soubi," Ritsuka's low voice filled the room, "let's go to sleep."

Soubi nodded and set Ritsuka down and pulled the covers over him before getting up. He was going to turn around and walk out the door to let Ritsuka rest, but a hand stopped him from taking a step. It was Ritsuka's he noticed and when he looked down at the boy, he saw pain in it from moving his arm.

"Stay Soubi. That's an order." His voice sounded sleepy and worn out and Soubi smiled. It had been a while since Ritsuka gave him orders but Soubi gladly got into the bed right next to Ritsuka. "Thank you, Soubi." When Soubi looked over at Ritsuka, he was already asleep. He looked peaceful lying there only a few inches away from him and Soubi reached out to pull Ritsuka closer.

The last words spoken that night were Soubi's as he said good night and that he loved Ritsuka.

Tomorrow was another day that would be ordinary to anyone else but not them. No, for Soubi and Ritsuka, it was a day that would start a new chapter in their relationship. It would be a day that would open new doors that neither were sure they could open. Nothing about it would be easy but as long as the two of them didn't shut each other out, didn't run away from what they were striving for, it would be okay. They had each other to lean on and that was enough.

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A compromise of sorts in the ever chaotic relationship between Soubi and Ritsuka. Hope you enjoyed it.


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